It was just the way things worked out, that we ended up giving 5 weeks’ “notice”, before leaving our church. In some ways it has prolonged the agony.
Yesterday at the Ladies meeting, I sat in the “Amen Corner”. There, were three ladies who spent as much time as they could, trying to convince me to stay… Please don’t leave us… How can you leave us? …What were your reasons again? …But we should stick together! I’m staying right to the last… If you think a lack of leaders is a “sign”, why didn’t YOU be a leader? Please don’t leave us!
I was able to go over it all and answer them, not minding at all–because I could feel the love coming from them. Of course, it was every question I’d dreamed of being asked, and having gone over everything very often in my mind, in the weeks before we made the announcement, I was well prepared!
Yes, I handled it well… But when I got home, their sad faces haunted me. How can you do this to them? It just doesn’t seem right! No, I’m never really tempted to change my mind, but I do find myself bringing up again, all the reasons, all the processes we went through, etc., to get to this place. And if my mind imagines actually changing our mind… it doesn’t feel right at all. Neither way would be easy, and we really need to trust that God is leading us. In fact, that is the only answer that finally satisfied my precious ladies.
Not to “make a mountain out of a molehill”–after all, I will be continuing with this Ladies’ group, as well as our Small Group, at least for awhile. However, 32 years is 32 years! (I’ll stop saying that number SOON, I promise!)
I always thought we’d “stick it out to the end”, but NOW what we’re saying is, it never WILL end, as long as we keep hanging on! And obviously, we don’t see that as a good thing, in this particular case. We hope to be helping to release others, who may need to move on as well. Why prolong the agony? Why gather to watch a hanging? In fact, in other circles within the church, we do get that sense–that we’re only the first, that others have just been waiting for someone else to go…
OK, I’ll stop now.